Monday, 31 March 2008

Once Upon Looking

Once upon looking in my mirror, I saw someone else. I was combing back my hair before getting into bed .. my face reminded me of my uncle (one of my abusers) and I thought yuk, and I thought it's the glasses, that's why I prefer the thick black ones my eyes don't look like his. And I remembered thick glasses when I was 12 and then I took the glasses off .. and my face started changing -- it was old, all the shadows sunken in. I thought it was the light so I lifted my face into the light from the window and I didn't want to look again but I had to .. it looked tough -- and then it looked masculine with long sideburns (but I combed my hair back .. ?) and the faces were ugly -- and then the face stretched and just smudged into grey nothing above my neck and the print on my nightie's neckline.

from a diary entry I had made on:

Tues night, 4 Sept, 1.15 a.m. Wed actually.

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