Today I started going through all my diaries and journals, in my attempt to let go of the past. Most of them are from when I was working with a psychotherapist on my Child Sexual Abuse experiences from childhood. They are pretty intense. Interspersed here and there are funny little anecdotes and nonsense rhymes. Some of these I've saved and they'll no doubt reappear here as a Once Upon, a Haiku Noodle, or a Dear Me (see my blog labels if you're wondering what this means).
It feels glorious to pull out the pages and rip them up. I read through first, of course. The whole experience is liberating and inspiring and reassuring. Some of it makes me very sad. But mostly I can see how I've grown, and how I've fulfilled at least a few of the dreams I had back then (which sounds like it was decades ago, but I'm talking about 2001 right now!), and how I've been able to answer some of the questions I had. It's also amusing to see that there are some questions I'm still asking, and I'm thinking today that if these questions are so very stale, I might as well let them go.
I was angry in a lot of the entries .. wow. So very angry, and hurt. But today I can see how every bit of what I went through in therapy was So Very Worth It.
On one page I found the funniest quotation, scrawled at the end of a very enraged and frustrated bout of journalling:
"The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off."
- Ken Martin, A Silent Strength