27 Reasons Why I am Still Single

Can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em, so the song says. But after finding these gems on a matrimonial site, I no longer wonder why it is that I have stayed single all these years.

1. "looking for a beautiful women either she is divorced or window I don't mind"
Well, I try to keep an open mind, but WINDOW? That's going too far.

2. "I want to married issueless lady which can born a child at least"
If only. If I had no issues I could have saved a ton on psychotherapy bills.

3. "I want the educated female as I am from the educated family."
I am not the educated. I am the college dropout.

4. "Religion no bar. Qualification no bar. Only important thing is she must an USA/UK national and make easy to get me migrated there."
This man wants to go for a ride. And take me on one too. No thanks. I prefer not to travel.

5. "Girl should be well educated as well as familiar."
I can be familiar! Very familiar! But wait - I don't qualify .. see #3.

6. "I am very simiple, moderate and god fevering man."
I am too fond of God to marry someone who makes Him sick.

7. "I am slim normal person and wearing glass."
It just wouldn't work. I like being the centre of attention, but I wouldn't stand a chance next to HIS wardrobe!

8. "Well dressed always, perfumes are my necessasity."
Thanks for the warning.

9. "butyfull (no only white) good face cut. big eyes. religius mind and culture. if match with my choice. contect me. outherwis don't wrest time."
Wrest not, want not.

10. "working Sauidi arabia since a long period. looking for a good housewife who has religious and obidient."
God, no.

11. "I love flowers specially rose i m living with my mumm"
And may they live happily ever after.

12. "I had married in 1998 which lasted for mere 7 odays. Reason being mental imbalance of the girl. Authentic proofs available."
Ooh. Where would I hide my medical records?

13. "I would like her to have a long hair and she should be also loving her hair and should take care of them if not for her sake at least for my sake."
I do have one long hair, appearing from time to time on my chin. However, I find myself unable to love it, not even for his sake.

14. "looking for second marriage with kind and healty or wealthy lady of any age I hv 5 kids and need more"
With those conditions, I'd be neither healthy nor wealthy very long.

15. "she should be pleasantly plump within 5 ft. tall"
Darn. I missed this by one inch.

16. "I am gold medalist thru out my carrier."
Wow. Even in Spelling class? Too intimidating for me.

17. "I am married. I have two sons. My wife is good in health. She is a housewife. I want to marri again because I want to live in some other country."
I'm trying to cut down on the married men. Plus I prefer not to travel. (See #4).

18. "I am government employee, so I am looking widow/divorse person."
Hmmm. I'm still pondering the correlation on this one, but anyway, I don't qualify.

19. "ex-wife is an psycriatic patient"
Darn. Me too.

20. "As I being a typical Ariean, I am totally Different and Transparent, and Definately not one from the crowd."
Make up your mind, mister. Typical or different?

21. "I am considered good looking by my female colleagues."
Too stressful. I'd be looking for lipstick on his collar every evening.

22. "willing to give a happy life with full of contention."
Plenty of contention in my life already, thank you very much.

23. "the girl should be unmarried"
Hey! No .. wait, I'm a woman, not a girl.

24. "we have large ancestor's property"
All my ancestors were kind of skinny. I'm worried he might look down on anything that came from them.

25. "I am looking for an ordinary keralite with improved mind"
I have the mind, but not the Malayalam.

26. "first marriage lasted only a few days / reason is very shocking"
Too scared to find out.

27. "as long as her parents are not fishermen or street sweepers, it hardly matters."
Whatever happened to 'Caste No Bar'?