Wednesday, 2 April 2008

4 Dec 2005

from my diary .. I like it because it's from a time when I was trying to get in touch with emotion and understand what different feelings feel like.

"This is joy I've just discovered. It's not an outburst of passion, it's an inner overwhelming, it bubbles up from somewhere between my breasts, swooshes up my throat around my shoulders around my head down my back till I feel it everywhere down to my twiddly toes.

It's not complicated, like jealousy or doubt or fear. it's simple and clear as pain or grief - both of these shall come again in their time. But this day, this moment, is a season for joy. It comes with Christmas carols playing on the backgroun on my old tape recorder. It comes with blushing bridelike memories of a man named Jesus (for we must fall in love with those we choose to follow). It comes with a quiet cloudy Sunday morning, picking dead leaves off potted plants and sowing marigold seeds.

Joy. It's intense but it's calm. It's contentment overflowing. It feels very very good, and so I shall stop writing for now and enjoy this joy while it is here.

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