Saturday, 16 June 2007


I often wonder what it is. I seem to have it. I'm very content on my own, and I value my me-time. I love my home and my work and you could lock me in here for a month and I probably wouldn't get bored (irritable maybe, once the cigarettes ran out). Sometimes, though, I worry that I "ought" to be wildly social. Sometimes I fear that I am confusing alone and lonely. But that's not often, and usually it is other people who confuse the two and wonder how I can live alone and spend so much time alone without getting bored, scared or depressed.I do - boredom, fear, depression, loneliness: they all come into my life, and are hard to take. But there's a huge difference in my alone moments and my lonely ones. Often my loneliest moments are when I'm surrounded by other people.

Books, music, pen, paint.
Alone is easy for me.
Lonely is harder.

When I'm lonely, it's usually one or two specific special people in my life that I'm missing, not just the presence of other bodies. I guess the reason I find alone easy is because I like my own company just as much as I like the company of those special people. Goodness! I like myself! Hmmm .. I see another haiku noodle in there, but it's time to get back to work. And I've been telling myself that I need to write more authentic haiku instead of just following the syllabic count. But not today.

No comments: