(Blog #3 is one of my favourites - tales and truths that need to be told - and as each story started the same way, I named it Once Upons. - n2n, 15/12/07)
Once upon a nostril, there sat a nose-stud. It was an ordinary nose-stud, poked through my niece's virgin nose, and it was now time for the ordinary nose-stud to be replaced by a diamond no less, set in pure gold. Home she came to do so, under the supervision of my father, retired physician extraordinaire.
Who would have thought that the dark interior of a humble nostril could have brought so much brightness and mirth to a dull, electricity-less Sunday afternoon? What we all assumed would be a simple "out with one, in with the other" turned into a dramatic episode that involved such props as spirit, torches, magnifying mirrors, magnifying glasses, a brief ponderance upon the laws of physics and a moment of panic when I knocked the diamond out of my father's hand.
We thought at first it was her nostril that was too small. (Obviously not like her aunt, who can stick two fingers in each nostril with ease, thanks to years of childhood nostril-flaring). In the end we discovered that the diamond stud had too short a stem, and that it would have to be replaced by the jewellers. By this time, my niece had had four people's fingers up her nose (five counting her own, and six if you include her thumb).
My niece sits sadly at home tonight, her diamond dream replaced by what appears to be a tiny piece of broomstick. Oh, the invasion, the trauma, the humiliation! It can only be surpassed by the email she will receive tonight, informing her that her nostril plays a leading role in my new blog.
Dear reader, do not sniff or snort, I pray you! Turn not your nose up in disdain at this humble tale ... it is far from over. One day - possibly tomorrow - my niece and her nostril will live happily ever after.
Post-script: it is the left nostril, in case you were wondering.
Post post-script: Thought I should clarify .. the niece is not a little girl, she's an adult.