"I've been called ...

Dear me! Could I have been psychic?? This poem creeps me out a bit because I wrote it years before I actually experienced most of the circumstances woven into it. Part self-fulfilling prophecy, part vision? I was a very innocent 19 at the time. Okay, maybe not very. Relatively.

I've been called a princess
But it's only caused me shame
For to act without due dignity
Does not warrant such a name.

I've been called a friend
But it's only caused distress
When I doubted a friend's worth
Though I loved her none the less.

I've been called a daughter
But I've only felt regret
For a trust that I've betrayed and
They continue to believe in me yet.

I've been called a lover
And am filled with fear
At myself for the men I tossed
Without a single tear.

I've been called a slut:
My mistakes scrawled dark on a wall.
One name that came so close to the truth
Though I would not allow myself that fall.

I've been called a child
But I feel very, very old
For I have both known and not known who I am
And it leaves me drained and cold.

(written on October 8, 1984)