dear diary feb 10th 2001

So the children are back, sort of. It's both wonderful and terrible to see them when I know there is only so much I can do.

Sometimes I wish I had never let us all love each other as we do: perhaps this will cause us all more pain than if I had cared less.

Mrs. H talked about destroying myself if I put them first. And I said, What about the children?

They're already destroyed, she answered.

...

I still think of them as "my boys" ..

it's like "but Fran SAID I could have them, she SAID they were ours .. "

Ha ha .. but look how it turned out, that neither of us has them now.

DEAR DIARy 23 may 2001

in the initial stages of creativity, critical judgment is the one thing you MUST send out for sandwiches.

(not me .. a quote from somewhere.

another ..

if the only prayer you e ver say in your whole life is 'Thank you', that would suffice.
5 june 2001

nov 6th 2001

from my diary

I bore the curse of the abuse

and now I am blest.

oct 18 2001

from my diary (private)

John Lightfoot called this morning. When I told him I was diagnosed MPD he said, "And who's the genius who figured that one out."