Clowns From The Dark Side.

That's what I like to call them. You must admit the Lok Sabha (Indian Parliament) is a bit of a circus. And to think that it's televised across the country. Does that stop them from acting like .. oh I can't insult the baboons nor any other animals .. and though people do frequently refer to our politicians as clowns, my being a REAL clown takes offence at that. So it's Clowns From the Dark Side for them.

Today there was an important matter to vote on and it was total mayhem. That poor, poor man .. the Honourable Speaker (is he given this title because all the others there are dishonourable?) .. he was like a substitute teacher let loose in a classroom of delinquents. Although I'm pretty sure even unruly schoolchildren behave better than our MPs.

I am really quite worried about that man's health. Not only is he likely to strain his vocal chords with his constant pleas for everyone to sit/calm down, but just think of his stress levels. I hope he does yoga. I hope he goes for daily walks. I hope he has one of those electric foot massager things under his podium.

In fact, I think maybe every member of parliament should get one of those electric foot massager things in front of their seat, activated only when they sit down. That'll shut them up! If not, there's always superglue, automatic seat belts that only open when it's your turn to speak, or perhaps good old manacles. Judging by the number of criminal records there, this might make them feel right at home.

But let's not forget ahimsa - love and non-violence. So my vote goes for the electric foot massager. Yes, they're expensive. But I know how to fund them. Just this morning, some MPs barged into the House waving a crore of rupees, claiming a member from another party had bribed them to vote a certain way. Well, the member will certainly deny it's his money. And they can't keep it, because that would be accepting a bribe, which is a crime. I think the government should confiscate that money, buy everyone their foot massagers, and put the rest in the Prime Minister's Relief Fund.

I just hope they don't forget to send me one, too. It was, after all, my idea.