27 Reasons Why I am Still Single

Can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em, so the song says. But after finding these gems on a matrimonial site, I no longer wonder why it is that I have stayed single all these years.

1. "looking for a beautiful women either she is divorced or window I don't mind"
Well, I try to keep an open mind, but WINDOW? That's going too far.

2. "I want to married issueless lady which can born a child at least"
If only. If I had no issues I could have saved a ton on psychotherapy bills.

3. "I want the educated female as I am from the educated family."
I am not the educated. I am the college dropout.

4. "Religion no bar. Qualification no bar. Only important thing is she must an USA/UK national and make easy to get me migrated there."
This man wants to go for a ride. And take me on one too. No thanks. I prefer not to travel.

5. "Girl should be well educated as well as familiar."
I can be familiar! Very familiar! But wait - I don't qualify .. see #3.

6. "I am very simiple, moderate and god fevering man."
I am too fond of God to marry someone who makes Him sick.

7. "I am slim normal person and wearing glass."
It just wouldn't work. I like being the centre of attention, but I wouldn't stand a chance next to HIS wardrobe!

8. "Well dressed always, perfumes are my necessasity."
Thanks for the warning.

9. "butyfull (no only white) good face cut. big eyes. religius mind and culture. if match with my choice. contect me. outherwis don't wrest time."
Wrest not, want not.

10. "working Sauidi arabia since a long period. looking for a good housewife who has religious and obidient."
God, no.

11. "I love flowers specially rose i m living with my mumm"
And may they live happily ever after.

12. "I had married in 1998 which lasted for mere 7 odays. Reason being mental imbalance of the girl. Authentic proofs available."
Ooh. Where would I hide my medical records?

13. "I would like her to have a long hair and she should be also loving her hair and should take care of them if not for her sake at least for my sake."
I do have one long hair, appearing from time to time on my chin. However, I find myself unable to love it, not even for his sake.

14. "looking for second marriage with kind and healty or wealthy lady of any age I hv 5 kids and need more"
With those conditions, I'd be neither healthy nor wealthy very long.

15. "she should be pleasantly plump within 5 ft. tall"
Darn. I missed this by one inch.

16. "I am gold medalist thru out my carrier."
Wow. Even in Spelling class? Too intimidating for me.

17. "I am married. I have two sons. My wife is good in health. She is a housewife. I want to marri again because I want to live in some other country."
I'm trying to cut down on the married men. Plus I prefer not to travel. (See #4).

18. "I am government employee, so I am looking widow/divorse person."
Hmmm. I'm still pondering the correlation on this one, but anyway, I don't qualify.

19. "ex-wife is an psycriatic patient"
Darn. Me too.

20. "As I being a typical Ariean, I am totally Different and Transparent, and Definately not one from the crowd."
Make up your mind, mister. Typical or different?

21. "I am considered good looking by my female colleagues."
Too stressful. I'd be looking for lipstick on his collar every evening.

22. "willing to give a happy life with full of contention."
Plenty of contention in my life already, thank you very much.

23. "the girl should be unmarried"
Hey! No .. wait, I'm a woman, not a girl.

24. "we have large ancestor's property"
All my ancestors were kind of skinny. I'm worried he might look down on anything that came from them.

25. "I am looking for an ordinary keralite with improved mind"
I have the mind, but not the Malayalam.

26. "first marriage lasted only a few days / reason is very shocking"
Too scared to find out.

27. "as long as her parents are not fishermen or street sweepers, it hardly matters."
Whatever happened to 'Caste No Bar'?

List: Things a survivor should know

You're not alone.

You're not crazy.

You're not dirty.

You're not weird.

You're not to blame.

You're not beyond help

(from my diary, 2 May 2002)

A list

Here's a list I found at the end of my diary, circa July 2001.

Play:

Once a day, a game - tennis, chess, pick up stix, anything

Dance when you're alone

Reread a favourite childhood book

Throw a spur of the moment party

Jigsaw

Marbles - floor games, hopscotch

Circus

Learn:

Follow an international news story. Memorise names of key figures. Research background issues.

Read 3 different books about a single famous person. Do the authors agree on facts or motivations? What do YOU think?

Jot down:

Outline of intended activities for next year

Five year plan

paragraph describing yourself in 20 years.

buy a 5 year date book and use it!

STretch your mind:

Step out of patterns.

Take a different route to work. What do you notice?

Eat a meal in a different place. Is it less/more satisfying?

Sit in a public place - make predictions about what people around you will do. When you get 3/5 right, quit.

What a funny list. I'm not sure where I got it from.

List: Deccan Delights

You know me (or maybe you don't, in which case I should add a few more words to this sentence), fragmented, compartmentalised, etc. If I hadn't just decided to combine all my blogs into this one, today would have seen the birth of a new blog. But instead, having seen the error of my ways, I will simply create a new category, "Lists" where I can store all the unnecessary information I find so necessary to compile together. Here's the first, a collection of delightfully odd headlines and copy, mostly courtesy of the Deccan Herald and other local newspapers.

1. "Stop sexual abuse of young girls by close relatives and other pests."

From an article I read--forget where. For some reason, I seem to be the only person who finds this funny. I guess most people think any sentence with the words 'sexual abuse' in it must not be laughed at. Perhaps one must be either a survivor or a grammarian to appreciate the delicate hilarity here.


2. "Renuka lacked issues."

And this is why Mallika (the infamous serial killer) "asked her to visit Kaiwara narrating her about the miracles of pilgrimage. Renuka agreed for it and left with Mallika...
Sadly, it was because this young woman was unburdened by emotional problems that she turned to Mallika, the infamous serial killer (Bangalore's latest claim to fame--she is India's first female serial killer; her modus operandi - befriend desperate people at temples, promise them deliverance, then poison and rob them). Mallika, in the process of correcting this problem for Renuka, fed her cyanide and killed her. I shall never again complain about all the issues that trouble my dysfunctional mind. Clearly, issues keep you alive. If Renuka had had some, she would never have turned to Mallika. She could have been sipping tea at an Askios meeting (or coffee at an AA meeting) instead of sampling cyanide.

Okay, I need to add a post-script to that for people who don't know Hinglish. What the reporter was trying to tell us was that Renuka was having trouble conceiving, she was sterile.

Another post-script:


3. "Man With Three Wives Hangs Self"

At the risk of sounding sexist, aren't newspaper headlines NOT supposed to state the obvious?


4. "Undertrial Hits Judge With Slipper"

Too delightful. Needs no explanation.