I haven't been writing for a while, but my dear friend and die-hard blog fan Richa's Facebook comments made me feel like picking up my pen again (actually it was a pencil). I'd had a difficult couple of days, stressed out and unable to sleep. The thought of having to wake up at six to take Dad to hospital for his cataract operation was not a jolly one. The resentment of always being the one who gets roped in for these things, didn't help. I was tired and grumpy, doing my best to smile my way through and be pleasant, but I wasn't a very happy person today. Finally, this evening, I got away and took some time for myself, and that's when this bit of writing happened. It's not exactly a poem, but I think it's poetic. Thanks Richa, for pushing me to write!
Crescent
The day dawned ugly.
Anger, fear, grief, rage
dragged me through.
Bruised by irritation and guilt,
I crept away to be alone,
not hoping for comfort or understanding,
just silence, stillness and some semblance
of what it is not to exist.
But then I happened to glance up,
and found the moon was smiling down at me.
Showing posts with label anger. Show all posts
Showing posts with label anger. Show all posts
Wednesday, 29 April 2009
Saturday, 3 January 2009
SILENTLY SEDUCED, by Kenneth M. Adams
This is an uncomfortable book to read, as I can see not just myself, but a great many people I know, in its pages. It's about covert incest, which is apparently as common as, well, the regular kind. If not more.
Covert incest is not a physical violation, but rather more about parents enmeshing their emotional lives with their children to compensate for an unfulfilling relationship with their spouse.
Given that most people on this planet would rather gouge out their eyeballs than admit their parents seriously lack in parenting skills, I recommend this book to: EVERYONE. Needless to say, most everyone will refuse to pick this book up, for fear of what it will reveal. But the few of you who have the courage to, will find it an eye-opener (much better than turning away or the eye-gouging option, both of which just leave you blind). Here are just a few of the many lines I'd like to share:
"There is nothing loving or caring about a close parent-child relationship when it services the needs and feelings of the parent rather than the child.
"The boundary between caring and incestuous love is crossed when the relationship with the child exists to meet the needs of the parent rather than those of the child .. the child becomes an object to be manipulated and used so the parent can avoid the pain and reality of a troubled marriage. The child feels used and trapped .. over time, the child becomes preoccupied with the parent's needs and feels protective and concerned. A psychological marriage between parent and child results. The child becomes the parent's surrogate spouse.
"In a covertly incestuous relationship, the parent complains to the child about the difficulties in the marriage .. Both parents are active participants .. one is getting some needs met through the child and the other is relieved at not having to deal with the reality of the dissatisfied partner.
"As long as the abuse or neglect experienced in childhood remains buried within, we recreate our family all over again in adult relationships.
"Many of these families appear well put together, almost the ideal or perfect family on the outside. This makes it much more difficult to confront the past in an effort to find the roots of one's current struggles to grow and become healthy.
"It isn't always the abuse, neglect or abandonment one suffers as a child which later interfere with happiness, but rather the distortion in perception which results. The classic example is, 'I beat you for your own good'. Certainly being beaten is damaging, but being told it is for one's 'own good' is the factor that will haunt the child for a lifetime.
" .. it is a set-up for some some form of addictive or compulsive lifestyle. Because of the broken spirit, pain and discomfort of being objectified as a child and feeling inappropriate sexual energy, the adult covert incest victim has a difficult time being comfortable with his body. Addictions represent an escape from the body and a way to medicate feelings. Sexual addiction and workaholism .. food addiction, alcoholism, compulsive spending, shopping, gambling and drug addiction are also common.
" .. those people who give in regularly to their addiction (be it food, sex or gambling) are the ones who remain in denial about the root injury that opened the way to the addiction in the first place.
"Covert incest victims seldom experience life as spontaneous and guilt-free. Rather, they are burdened with a sense of never doing or being enough and are removed from the real or true inner life of who they are. Early on they realise their only source of self-worth rests in sacrificing their own needs and feelings to the emotionally vacant and seductive parent. For a child there is no choice in this - it is a matter of survival. Yet these children intuitively know and as adults are consciously aware of the murder of their souls.
"Real emancipation cannot be given. It must be taken. Emotional maturity cannot be realised until emancipation occurs. You cannot be an adult man or woman and simultaneously hold onto Mommy or Daddy."
from
SILENTLY SEDUCED
When Parents Make Their Children Partners
by Kenneth M. Adams, Ph.D.
Covert incest is not a physical violation, but rather more about parents enmeshing their emotional lives with their children to compensate for an unfulfilling relationship with their spouse.
Given that most people on this planet would rather gouge out their eyeballs than admit their parents seriously lack in parenting skills, I recommend this book to: EVERYONE. Needless to say, most everyone will refuse to pick this book up, for fear of what it will reveal. But the few of you who have the courage to, will find it an eye-opener (much better than turning away or the eye-gouging option, both of which just leave you blind). Here are just a few of the many lines I'd like to share:
"There is nothing loving or caring about a close parent-child relationship when it services the needs and feelings of the parent rather than the child.
"The boundary between caring and incestuous love is crossed when the relationship with the child exists to meet the needs of the parent rather than those of the child .. the child becomes an object to be manipulated and used so the parent can avoid the pain and reality of a troubled marriage. The child feels used and trapped .. over time, the child becomes preoccupied with the parent's needs and feels protective and concerned. A psychological marriage between parent and child results. The child becomes the parent's surrogate spouse.
"In a covertly incestuous relationship, the parent complains to the child about the difficulties in the marriage .. Both parents are active participants .. one is getting some needs met through the child and the other is relieved at not having to deal with the reality of the dissatisfied partner.
"As long as the abuse or neglect experienced in childhood remains buried within, we recreate our family all over again in adult relationships.
"Many of these families appear well put together, almost the ideal or perfect family on the outside. This makes it much more difficult to confront the past in an effort to find the roots of one's current struggles to grow and become healthy.
"It isn't always the abuse, neglect or abandonment one suffers as a child which later interfere with happiness, but rather the distortion in perception which results. The classic example is, 'I beat you for your own good'. Certainly being beaten is damaging, but being told it is for one's 'own good' is the factor that will haunt the child for a lifetime.
" .. it is a set-up for some some form of addictive or compulsive lifestyle. Because of the broken spirit, pain and discomfort of being objectified as a child and feeling inappropriate sexual energy, the adult covert incest victim has a difficult time being comfortable with his body. Addictions represent an escape from the body and a way to medicate feelings. Sexual addiction and workaholism .. food addiction, alcoholism, compulsive spending, shopping, gambling and drug addiction are also common.
" .. those people who give in regularly to their addiction (be it food, sex or gambling) are the ones who remain in denial about the root injury that opened the way to the addiction in the first place.
"Covert incest victims seldom experience life as spontaneous and guilt-free. Rather, they are burdened with a sense of never doing or being enough and are removed from the real or true inner life of who they are. Early on they realise their only source of self-worth rests in sacrificing their own needs and feelings to the emotionally vacant and seductive parent. For a child there is no choice in this - it is a matter of survival. Yet these children intuitively know and as adults are consciously aware of the murder of their souls.
"Real emancipation cannot be given. It must be taken. Emotional maturity cannot be realised until emancipation occurs. You cannot be an adult man or woman and simultaneously hold onto Mommy or Daddy."
from
SILENTLY SEDUCED
When Parents Make Their Children Partners
by Kenneth M. Adams, Ph.D.
Tuesday, 23 December 2008
FORGIVING OUR PARENTS, by Dwight Lee Wolter
This is a slim volume I bought a year or two ago, but only got down to reading today - as part of my ongoing "decluttering" quest. Now the book itself can move on (to Enfold's library, if you want to read it!) but I wanted to save some of my favourite lines here, for me to come back to.
Forgiveness is an issue often juggled with by survivors of any sort of childhood trauma - and by "the experts". There are many different perspectives on what it is, and how important it is. And of course, many different definitions of what it means to forgive. I do recommend this book for any survivor of anything. I like the way he explores the progressing of feelings in the healing process.
"Forgiveness is not amnesia. It is not a drug we take to forget the pain. Dismissing the past as over and done with - and therefore not relevant to life today - is not going to make the problem go away."
"Cliches and slogans are intended as easy-to-remember summations of knowledge and wisdom, but they can be misused. Unfortunately, they are sometimes used to silence people or to deny feelings."
"Many of us who who were raised in dysfunctional homes use unforgiveness and resentment as a means of keeping us away from our true feelings. .. Rage, fear, and anger lurk within an unforgiving heart. Who wants to look at that? Many of us have had so much pain in childhood that, as adults, we avoid pain at any cost."
"Anger, sarcasm, and wit make a potent combination .. Anger became the fuel that propelled me through difficult situations. Anger became the passion that let me know I was alive! I didn't HAVE anger. I WAS anger. Anger was my first name. And blame was my middle name. Then I realised that it was not getting angry but remaining angry that had become a problem for me. .. If someone hurt me, I would get angry instead of feeling the pain. It was difficult to let go of my attraction to blame and anger."
"I want to wear my anger like a suit of armour to spare me from the pain. But I can't. I never had a childhood. Now I am losing my anger about never having had a childhood. What I am left with is ... sadness. And facing sadness is not easy. All of my life I would rather have been dragged across a field of boulders by wild horses than to feel the immense sadness within me. Anger was so much easier to feel."
"I am now allowing myself to feel the feelings I have never felt before. I must listen to the child within me that was ignored. And if one of the feelings that comes to the surface is blame, then I want to feel all there is to feel about blame. Then perhaps I can feel the anger behind the blame. And then the pain behind the anger. And the sadness behind the pain. And the acceptance that is rumoured to lie behind the sadness. And the hope behind the acceptance. So that someday I may have a chance at leading a contented life."
"Ultimately, we have to forgive ourselves for being ourselves. Have you ever sat in your room, staring out through the window, feeling a little down, watching people walk by? Don't they look great? They are just chugging along, dressed so well, clean and fresh looking, on their way to their meaningful jobs, leading their meaningful lives. We imagine them with no holes in their socks, no blemishes under their make-up, no ghosts in their closets, no drunks in their families. We imagine them happy that it is Monday morning again, that now that they are well-rested from their weekends at the beach with their flawless lovers then can get back to being productive in their lucrative, high-visibility careers. And what about us? If we break a shoelace, we can trace it back to being from a dysfunctional family. If we do anything less than perfectly, we are flawed human beings, the objects of self-pity and scorn. If we make a simple mistake, it is a relapse."
"In order to forgive my parents, I must have already decided they are guilty of whatever I am about to forgive them for. That means I have placed myself in the position of knowing who is guilty and who is not. Then I decide who is to be punished or forgiven. I have adorned myself with a crown of resentments. I am the standard against which all goodness is measured. I am a self-appointed judge and executioner. I have relieved God of most of his duties."
from
FORGIVING OUR PARENTS
For adult children from dysfunctional families
by Dwight Lee Wolter, 1989.
Forgiveness is an issue often juggled with by survivors of any sort of childhood trauma - and by "the experts". There are many different perspectives on what it is, and how important it is. And of course, many different definitions of what it means to forgive. I do recommend this book for any survivor of anything. I like the way he explores the progressing of feelings in the healing process.
"Forgiveness is not amnesia. It is not a drug we take to forget the pain. Dismissing the past as over and done with - and therefore not relevant to life today - is not going to make the problem go away."
"Cliches and slogans are intended as easy-to-remember summations of knowledge and wisdom, but they can be misused. Unfortunately, they are sometimes used to silence people or to deny feelings."
"Many of us who who were raised in dysfunctional homes use unforgiveness and resentment as a means of keeping us away from our true feelings. .. Rage, fear, and anger lurk within an unforgiving heart. Who wants to look at that? Many of us have had so much pain in childhood that, as adults, we avoid pain at any cost."
"Anger, sarcasm, and wit make a potent combination .. Anger became the fuel that propelled me through difficult situations. Anger became the passion that let me know I was alive! I didn't HAVE anger. I WAS anger. Anger was my first name. And blame was my middle name. Then I realised that it was not getting angry but remaining angry that had become a problem for me. .. If someone hurt me, I would get angry instead of feeling the pain. It was difficult to let go of my attraction to blame and anger."
"I want to wear my anger like a suit of armour to spare me from the pain. But I can't. I never had a childhood. Now I am losing my anger about never having had a childhood. What I am left with is ... sadness. And facing sadness is not easy. All of my life I would rather have been dragged across a field of boulders by wild horses than to feel the immense sadness within me. Anger was so much easier to feel."
"I am now allowing myself to feel the feelings I have never felt before. I must listen to the child within me that was ignored. And if one of the feelings that comes to the surface is blame, then I want to feel all there is to feel about blame. Then perhaps I can feel the anger behind the blame. And then the pain behind the anger. And the sadness behind the pain. And the acceptance that is rumoured to lie behind the sadness. And the hope behind the acceptance. So that someday I may have a chance at leading a contented life."
"Ultimately, we have to forgive ourselves for being ourselves. Have you ever sat in your room, staring out through the window, feeling a little down, watching people walk by? Don't they look great? They are just chugging along, dressed so well, clean and fresh looking, on their way to their meaningful jobs, leading their meaningful lives. We imagine them with no holes in their socks, no blemishes under their make-up, no ghosts in their closets, no drunks in their families. We imagine them happy that it is Monday morning again, that now that they are well-rested from their weekends at the beach with their flawless lovers then can get back to being productive in their lucrative, high-visibility careers. And what about us? If we break a shoelace, we can trace it back to being from a dysfunctional family. If we do anything less than perfectly, we are flawed human beings, the objects of self-pity and scorn. If we make a simple mistake, it is a relapse."
"In order to forgive my parents, I must have already decided they are guilty of whatever I am about to forgive them for. That means I have placed myself in the position of knowing who is guilty and who is not. Then I decide who is to be punished or forgiven. I have adorned myself with a crown of resentments. I am the standard against which all goodness is measured. I am a self-appointed judge and executioner. I have relieved God of most of his duties."
from
FORGIVING OUR PARENTS
For adult children from dysfunctional families
by Dwight Lee Wolter, 1989.
Wednesday, 3 December 2008
Blame
Every day, I find new things to be angry about. Yesterday it was the Kerala Chief Minister's over-inflated ego, that responded to a distraught father in such an immature and hurtful way. The father was Major Unnikrishnan's, killed in Mumbai while fighting against the terrorists. Perhaps he did not want politicians using his grief as a Public Relations opportunity. Perhaps he was angry at the people whose governance (or lack of) were partly responsible for his son's death. Whatever the cause, he was justified in asking them to leave, and, when they continued to push on, to shout at them to get out.
CM Achutanandan's response, on camera, was to state that he had gone to the Unnikrishnans' house only because of Major Unnikrishnan's death, and that "even a dog" would not go to visit them otherwise.
Achutanandan is an old man. He proves delightfully the adage that while growing old is mandatory (unless of course you are gunned down in the name of duty), growing up is clearly optional.
When will India learn that respect must be earned? Whether it is the politician with an over-inflated sense of his importance, or an incestuous grandfather - age does not and must not buy respect that is undeserved.
Another adage: When you point a finger at your neighbour, there are three more pointing back at you.
India, wake up. We can rave and rant about our politicians and our messes, but at the end of the day, we need to look at ourselves honestly and see what we, the individuals, have done - or not done - to help create the mess we are in today. To borrow a quote from I-forget-who, we are meeting the enemy, and it is us.
CM Achutanandan's response, on camera, was to state that he had gone to the Unnikrishnans' house only because of Major Unnikrishnan's death, and that "even a dog" would not go to visit them otherwise.
Achutanandan is an old man. He proves delightfully the adage that while growing old is mandatory (unless of course you are gunned down in the name of duty), growing up is clearly optional.
When will India learn that respect must be earned? Whether it is the politician with an over-inflated sense of his importance, or an incestuous grandfather - age does not and must not buy respect that is undeserved.
Another adage: When you point a finger at your neighbour, there are three more pointing back at you.
India, wake up. We can rave and rant about our politicians and our messes, but at the end of the day, we need to look at ourselves honestly and see what we, the individuals, have done - or not done - to help create the mess we are in today. To borrow a quote from I-forget-who, we are meeting the enemy, and it is us.
Monday, 29 September 2008
DEAR ME: "Fools and puppets ..
Here's another poem I wrote around 1993 .. though I keep using the word "you" I suspect it was really addressed to myself. This was around when I started getting jaded with all the glamour and fun of the advertising world, perhaps when the seed was sown for me to get out of that career and into the life I lead now?
Fools and puppets,
junkies and whores,
peddling your souls away
on oil-soaked shores.
There's more to life than what you think.
There's more to life than 'me'.
There's more than what's between your legs,
but it's nothing you'd care to see.
One day your bank account will close.
Someone else will be sleeping in your bed.
One day it will all have meant nothing
and all you will be is dead.
There's a love you would never have dreamed of.
There's a kindness you never may show.
There's strength for your fears and peace for your pain.
There's a man on the cross makes it so.
(written in 1993)
I wonder if that last verse should just be a separate poem.
Fools and puppets,
junkies and whores,
peddling your souls away
on oil-soaked shores.
There's more to life than what you think.
There's more to life than 'me'.
There's more than what's between your legs,
but it's nothing you'd care to see.
One day your bank account will close.
Someone else will be sleeping in your bed.
One day it will all have meant nothing
and all you will be is dead.
There's a love you would never have dreamed of.
There's a kindness you never may show.
There's strength for your fears and peace for your pain.
There's a man on the cross makes it so.
(written in 1993)
I wonder if that last verse should just be a separate poem.
Wednesday, 11 June 2008
HAIKU NOODLE: In defence of anger.
Anger is such a misunderstood, underestimated emotion. Often thought of as a "negative" emotion, it is full of potential and energy. I believe it's only when we misuse it - or don't use it at all - that it has negative effects. It rots within; it turns to something quite unpleasant. But used well, it does wonders.
I've always had a good stock of anger, but much of it did rot and turn into many unpleasant things. It was only after I went through my CSA therapy that I began to actually get in touch with anger - and with most of the emotions I'd stuffed inside.
Today, anger interests me. Not quite an obsession, but I do pick up interesting books on the subject (some of which you'll come across in Book Fair Junkie some day). Studying anger has taught me a lot, about life, about society, about relationships. I've learnt a lot - and I'm still learning. The most important thing I've learned is this:
Anger is just fear.
The snarls of a threatened cub.
No need to snarl back.
All anger has its roots in fear. Think about it. There is always a fear behind our rage or resentments, even behind our irritations. We fear that we are being taken for a ride. That we are being treated unjustly. That we are going to experience loss or abandonment or new burdens. That people are going to see we are not good enough. That no one loves us. Name any anger and I will show you the fear behind it.
And fear .. where are its roots? Back in that place most of us like to deny ever had much impact on us: childhood. It is perhaps the first emotion we experience when we enter this world, and most of us will find ourselves experiencing it again on our way out.
This haiku I've just written tells me how to deal with two angers - that of others towards me, and my own anger towards others. In the first instance, it reminds me that any aggression towards me is less about me, than about the other person's fears. That can give me the presence of mind not to retaliate in kind, but instead to show kindness.
In the second instance, my own anger, the haiku's message can flag me down to tell me that there is a fear that needs to be dealt with, and this becomes an opportunity for introspection, self-awareness and growth.
Anger's good for me. I need it!
I've always had a good stock of anger, but much of it did rot and turn into many unpleasant things. It was only after I went through my CSA therapy that I began to actually get in touch with anger - and with most of the emotions I'd stuffed inside.
Today, anger interests me. Not quite an obsession, but I do pick up interesting books on the subject (some of which you'll come across in Book Fair Junkie some day). Studying anger has taught me a lot, about life, about society, about relationships. I've learnt a lot - and I'm still learning. The most important thing I've learned is this:
Anger is just fear.
The snarls of a threatened cub.
No need to snarl back.
All anger has its roots in fear. Think about it. There is always a fear behind our rage or resentments, even behind our irritations. We fear that we are being taken for a ride. That we are being treated unjustly. That we are going to experience loss or abandonment or new burdens. That people are going to see we are not good enough. That no one loves us. Name any anger and I will show you the fear behind it.
And fear .. where are its roots? Back in that place most of us like to deny ever had much impact on us: childhood. It is perhaps the first emotion we experience when we enter this world, and most of us will find ourselves experiencing it again on our way out.
This haiku I've just written tells me how to deal with two angers - that of others towards me, and my own anger towards others. In the first instance, it reminds me that any aggression towards me is less about me, than about the other person's fears. That can give me the presence of mind not to retaliate in kind, but instead to show kindness.
In the second instance, my own anger, the haiku's message can flag me down to tell me that there is a fear that needs to be dealt with, and this becomes an opportunity for introspection, self-awareness and growth.
Anger's good for me. I need it!
Sunday, 18 May 2008
Twiddling my thumbs in anticipation of an arthritic future
Well here I am, waiting for people to check their inboxes and then (hopefully) sign up to join this online group I just started - COPE: Caring for Our Parents and Elders. Having just become a caregiver for my father, it seemed like something to do.
Half the people I know who are my age are also going through the same responsibilities, stresses, fears ... we talk on the phone once in a while and keep meaning to meet over coffee, but there never seems to be time, or else our schedules always clash. So I figured an e-group might be the next way to reach out and connect, and also share ideas and resources. Anyone out there in the same situation, feel free to join - it's at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/caring4parents
It's been a rough weekend for me. Dad was doing "okay" so I spent most of Friday sleeping. I find sleeping is about the best escape from "all this" (i.e. the whole dad-being-ill-and-I-am-taking-care-of-it-all thing). The other day I realised that my favourite part of the day was at night when I was asleep .. unconscious and oblivious to the world. Not a great attitude to have, which is partly why I decided I needed to connect with others in the same boat. Sadly, no one else has joined the group yet, so while I'm waiting, I'm blogging here, basically talking to myself. Nothing new about THAT! LOL
Saturday I went from sleepy to angry. I was just ANGRY all day long. At the situation. At my parents for being sick and needy and old. At my siblings for not being here for the horrible bits. At myself for not being strong enough. At Prince Caspian (the movie) for being released at a time when I just can't manage to get away to the cinemas. At my husband for not being here to support me (although in his defence I should say that his absence is largely because he does not exist.) Angry at the world in general, and I could not figure out "a healthy way to express one's anger" as all the self-help books talk about, so ended up just smoking a lot of cigarettes, eating a bunch of chocolates, and .. to be honest, I can't remember what else I did yesterday. Oh yes, moved some furniture around. That always makes me feel good. And eventually the anger fizzled out.
And today .. today I'm just getting on with it. Wondering what to make for dinner that will be healthy and tasty for Dad yet not include ingredients that give my Mom allergic reactions .. sigh .. a vague feeling of dread for whatever lies ahead -- and there is sure to be Something ahead -- and the beginning of a spaced-out feeling as my mind decides it's time to dissociate from all this and think happy thoughts about Professor Snape instead.
So a quick trip to Hogwarts before I start rummaging for groceries .. and a promise that I will take time out for me -- and this blog -- on a regular basis again.
Half the people I know who are my age are also going through the same responsibilities, stresses, fears ... we talk on the phone once in a while and keep meaning to meet over coffee, but there never seems to be time, or else our schedules always clash. So I figured an e-group might be the next way to reach out and connect, and also share ideas and resources. Anyone out there in the same situation, feel free to join - it's at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/caring4parents
It's been a rough weekend for me. Dad was doing "okay" so I spent most of Friday sleeping. I find sleeping is about the best escape from "all this" (i.e. the whole dad-being-ill-and-I-am-taking-care-of-it-all thing). The other day I realised that my favourite part of the day was at night when I was asleep .. unconscious and oblivious to the world. Not a great attitude to have, which is partly why I decided I needed to connect with others in the same boat. Sadly, no one else has joined the group yet, so while I'm waiting, I'm blogging here, basically talking to myself. Nothing new about THAT! LOL
Saturday I went from sleepy to angry. I was just ANGRY all day long. At the situation. At my parents for being sick and needy and old. At my siblings for not being here for the horrible bits. At myself for not being strong enough. At Prince Caspian (the movie) for being released at a time when I just can't manage to get away to the cinemas. At my husband for not being here to support me (although in his defence I should say that his absence is largely because he does not exist.) Angry at the world in general, and I could not figure out "a healthy way to express one's anger" as all the self-help books talk about, so ended up just smoking a lot of cigarettes, eating a bunch of chocolates, and .. to be honest, I can't remember what else I did yesterday. Oh yes, moved some furniture around. That always makes me feel good. And eventually the anger fizzled out.
And today .. today I'm just getting on with it. Wondering what to make for dinner that will be healthy and tasty for Dad yet not include ingredients that give my Mom allergic reactions .. sigh .. a vague feeling of dread for whatever lies ahead -- and there is sure to be Something ahead -- and the beginning of a spaced-out feeling as my mind decides it's time to dissociate from all this and think happy thoughts about Professor Snape instead.
So a quick trip to Hogwarts before I start rummaging for groceries .. and a promise that I will take time out for me -- and this blog -- on a regular basis again.
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