This is an uncomfortable book to read, as I can see not just myself, but a great many people I know, in its pages. It's about covert incest, which is apparently as common as, well, the regular kind. If not more.
Covert incest is not a physical violation, but rather more about parents enmeshing their emotional lives with their children to compensate for an unfulfilling relationship with their spouse.
Given that most people on this planet would rather gouge out their eyeballs than admit their parents seriously lack in parenting skills, I recommend this book to: EVERYONE. Needless to say, most everyone will refuse to pick this book up, for fear of what it will reveal. But the few of you who have the courage to, will find it an eye-opener (much better than turning away or the eye-gouging option, both of which just leave you blind). Here are just a few of the many lines I'd like to share:
"There is nothing loving or caring about a close parent-child relationship when it services the needs and feelings of the parent rather than the child.
"The boundary between caring and incestuous love is crossed when the relationship with the child exists to meet the needs of the parent rather than those of the child .. the child becomes an object to be manipulated and used so the parent can avoid the pain and reality of a troubled marriage. The child feels used and trapped .. over time, the child becomes preoccupied with the parent's needs and feels protective and concerned. A psychological marriage between parent and child results. The child becomes the parent's surrogate spouse.
"In a covertly incestuous relationship, the parent complains to the child about the difficulties in the marriage .. Both parents are active participants .. one is getting some needs met through the child and the other is relieved at not having to deal with the reality of the dissatisfied partner.
"As long as the abuse or neglect experienced in childhood remains buried within, we recreate our family all over again in adult relationships.
"Many of these families appear well put together, almost the ideal or perfect family on the outside. This makes it much more difficult to confront the past in an effort to find the roots of one's current struggles to grow and become healthy.
"It isn't always the abuse, neglect or abandonment one suffers as a child which later interfere with happiness, but rather the distortion in perception which results. The classic example is, 'I beat you for your own good'. Certainly being beaten is damaging, but being told it is for one's 'own good' is the factor that will haunt the child for a lifetime.
" .. it is a set-up for some some form of addictive or compulsive lifestyle. Because of the broken spirit, pain and discomfort of being objectified as a child and feeling inappropriate sexual energy, the adult covert incest victim has a difficult time being comfortable with his body. Addictions represent an escape from the body and a way to medicate feelings. Sexual addiction and workaholism .. food addiction, alcoholism, compulsive spending, shopping, gambling and drug addiction are also common.
" .. those people who give in regularly to their addiction (be it food, sex or gambling) are the ones who remain in denial about the root injury that opened the way to the addiction in the first place.
"Covert incest victims seldom experience life as spontaneous and guilt-free. Rather, they are burdened with a sense of never doing or being enough and are removed from the real or true inner life of who they are. Early on they realise their only source of self-worth rests in sacrificing their own needs and feelings to the emotionally vacant and seductive parent. For a child there is no choice in this - it is a matter of survival. Yet these children intuitively know and as adults are consciously aware of the murder of their souls.
"Real emancipation cannot be given. It must be taken. Emotional maturity cannot be realised until emancipation occurs. You cannot be an adult man or woman and simultaneously hold onto Mommy or Daddy."
from
SILENTLY SEDUCED
When Parents Make Their Children Partners
by Kenneth M. Adams, Ph.D.
Showing posts with label BOOK FAIR JUNKIE. Show all posts
Showing posts with label BOOK FAIR JUNKIE. Show all posts
Saturday, 3 January 2009
Sunday, 28 December 2008
ATALA by Francois-Rene de Chateaubriand
Christmas Eve I sat down to a dinner of roast turkey, plum cake, and this delicious little novella, and savoured it all thoroughly. I had never heard of Chateaubriand before, but am so glad I found him and picked up his book. It's so different from much of what I read. A lot of the author himself seems to overflow into the story: his religious beliefs, his fascination with the native Americans, and an almost gluttonous devouring of nature. If you are a lover of nature, you too will wolf down - smother yourself - in his luscious descriptions of the American land.
It's an odd, strange little story. A bit Romeo-and-Juliet-ish, but also, not. Atala is the name of a young Indian girl, and the story is told through the words of her love, Chactas. Given my peculiar fascination with all things Native American, I thoroughly loved getting drawn into the story, the ambience, the words. Of course, it's a translation, but even so, I found beautiful lines to hold on to. Here are a few:
"Why do I mourn for you in your cradle of earth, O my newborn? When the little bird becomes big, it must look for its food, and it finds it in the wild bitter seeds. At least you have not known sadness; at least your heart has never been bared to man's destructive breath. The bud which dries up in its encasement passes away with all its perfumes, like you, with all your innocence, O my son! Happy are those who die in the cradle: they have known only the kisses and smiles of a mother."
"Happy are they who have not seen the smoke of the stranger's celebrations and who sit only at the festivities of their fathers! If the bluejay of the Mississippi said to the finch of the Floridas, 'Why do you weep so sadly? Have you not here beautiful waters, refreshing shades, and seeds of every kind as in your forests?' 'Yes,' would reply the finch, 'but my nest is in the jasmine .."
"Take courage, son of Outalissi, rebel not against your fate. The heart of man is like the surge of a river, which sometimes swells with muddy waters when the sky has troubled them. Has the river the right to say, 'I thought there would be no storms and the sun would never be burning hot'?"
"Men, my son, especially those in your country, often imitate nature, and reproductions are always trivial. It is not so with nature, when she seems to be imitating the works of men, she is actually offering models."
".. age, like maternity, is a kind of priesthood."
"It becomes you, young man, hardly grown up, to complain of your misfortunes! Where are the marks of your sufferings? Where are the injustices you have sufered? Where are your virtues, which alone could give you some right to complain? What services have you rendered? What good have you done? Eh? Wretched one, you offer me only your passions, and you dare storm the gates of Heaven!"
"Jealousy crept to the grass altar on which the kid was sacrificed; she ruled under the tent of Abraham .. "
from
ATALA
by Francois-Rene de Chateaubriand
(1768 - 1848)
It's an odd, strange little story. A bit Romeo-and-Juliet-ish, but also, not. Atala is the name of a young Indian girl, and the story is told through the words of her love, Chactas. Given my peculiar fascination with all things Native American, I thoroughly loved getting drawn into the story, the ambience, the words. Of course, it's a translation, but even so, I found beautiful lines to hold on to. Here are a few:
"Why do I mourn for you in your cradle of earth, O my newborn? When the little bird becomes big, it must look for its food, and it finds it in the wild bitter seeds. At least you have not known sadness; at least your heart has never been bared to man's destructive breath. The bud which dries up in its encasement passes away with all its perfumes, like you, with all your innocence, O my son! Happy are those who die in the cradle: they have known only the kisses and smiles of a mother."
"Happy are they who have not seen the smoke of the stranger's celebrations and who sit only at the festivities of their fathers! If the bluejay of the Mississippi said to the finch of the Floridas, 'Why do you weep so sadly? Have you not here beautiful waters, refreshing shades, and seeds of every kind as in your forests?' 'Yes,' would reply the finch, 'but my nest is in the jasmine .."
"Take courage, son of Outalissi, rebel not against your fate. The heart of man is like the surge of a river, which sometimes swells with muddy waters when the sky has troubled them. Has the river the right to say, 'I thought there would be no storms and the sun would never be burning hot'?"
"Men, my son, especially those in your country, often imitate nature, and reproductions are always trivial. It is not so with nature, when she seems to be imitating the works of men, she is actually offering models."
".. age, like maternity, is a kind of priesthood."
"It becomes you, young man, hardly grown up, to complain of your misfortunes! Where are the marks of your sufferings? Where are the injustices you have sufered? Where are your virtues, which alone could give you some right to complain? What services have you rendered? What good have you done? Eh? Wretched one, you offer me only your passions, and you dare storm the gates of Heaven!"
"Jealousy crept to the grass altar on which the kid was sacrificed; she ruled under the tent of Abraham .. "
from
ATALA
by Francois-Rene de Chateaubriand
(1768 - 1848)
Tuesday, 23 December 2008
FORGIVING OUR PARENTS, by Dwight Lee Wolter
This is a slim volume I bought a year or two ago, but only got down to reading today - as part of my ongoing "decluttering" quest. Now the book itself can move on (to Enfold's library, if you want to read it!) but I wanted to save some of my favourite lines here, for me to come back to.
Forgiveness is an issue often juggled with by survivors of any sort of childhood trauma - and by "the experts". There are many different perspectives on what it is, and how important it is. And of course, many different definitions of what it means to forgive. I do recommend this book for any survivor of anything. I like the way he explores the progressing of feelings in the healing process.
"Forgiveness is not amnesia. It is not a drug we take to forget the pain. Dismissing the past as over and done with - and therefore not relevant to life today - is not going to make the problem go away."
"Cliches and slogans are intended as easy-to-remember summations of knowledge and wisdom, but they can be misused. Unfortunately, they are sometimes used to silence people or to deny feelings."
"Many of us who who were raised in dysfunctional homes use unforgiveness and resentment as a means of keeping us away from our true feelings. .. Rage, fear, and anger lurk within an unforgiving heart. Who wants to look at that? Many of us have had so much pain in childhood that, as adults, we avoid pain at any cost."
"Anger, sarcasm, and wit make a potent combination .. Anger became the fuel that propelled me through difficult situations. Anger became the passion that let me know I was alive! I didn't HAVE anger. I WAS anger. Anger was my first name. And blame was my middle name. Then I realised that it was not getting angry but remaining angry that had become a problem for me. .. If someone hurt me, I would get angry instead of feeling the pain. It was difficult to let go of my attraction to blame and anger."
"I want to wear my anger like a suit of armour to spare me from the pain. But I can't. I never had a childhood. Now I am losing my anger about never having had a childhood. What I am left with is ... sadness. And facing sadness is not easy. All of my life I would rather have been dragged across a field of boulders by wild horses than to feel the immense sadness within me. Anger was so much easier to feel."
"I am now allowing myself to feel the feelings I have never felt before. I must listen to the child within me that was ignored. And if one of the feelings that comes to the surface is blame, then I want to feel all there is to feel about blame. Then perhaps I can feel the anger behind the blame. And then the pain behind the anger. And the sadness behind the pain. And the acceptance that is rumoured to lie behind the sadness. And the hope behind the acceptance. So that someday I may have a chance at leading a contented life."
"Ultimately, we have to forgive ourselves for being ourselves. Have you ever sat in your room, staring out through the window, feeling a little down, watching people walk by? Don't they look great? They are just chugging along, dressed so well, clean and fresh looking, on their way to their meaningful jobs, leading their meaningful lives. We imagine them with no holes in their socks, no blemishes under their make-up, no ghosts in their closets, no drunks in their families. We imagine them happy that it is Monday morning again, that now that they are well-rested from their weekends at the beach with their flawless lovers then can get back to being productive in their lucrative, high-visibility careers. And what about us? If we break a shoelace, we can trace it back to being from a dysfunctional family. If we do anything less than perfectly, we are flawed human beings, the objects of self-pity and scorn. If we make a simple mistake, it is a relapse."
"In order to forgive my parents, I must have already decided they are guilty of whatever I am about to forgive them for. That means I have placed myself in the position of knowing who is guilty and who is not. Then I decide who is to be punished or forgiven. I have adorned myself with a crown of resentments. I am the standard against which all goodness is measured. I am a self-appointed judge and executioner. I have relieved God of most of his duties."
from
FORGIVING OUR PARENTS
For adult children from dysfunctional families
by Dwight Lee Wolter, 1989.
Forgiveness is an issue often juggled with by survivors of any sort of childhood trauma - and by "the experts". There are many different perspectives on what it is, and how important it is. And of course, many different definitions of what it means to forgive. I do recommend this book for any survivor of anything. I like the way he explores the progressing of feelings in the healing process.
"Forgiveness is not amnesia. It is not a drug we take to forget the pain. Dismissing the past as over and done with - and therefore not relevant to life today - is not going to make the problem go away."
"Cliches and slogans are intended as easy-to-remember summations of knowledge and wisdom, but they can be misused. Unfortunately, they are sometimes used to silence people or to deny feelings."
"Many of us who who were raised in dysfunctional homes use unforgiveness and resentment as a means of keeping us away from our true feelings. .. Rage, fear, and anger lurk within an unforgiving heart. Who wants to look at that? Many of us have had so much pain in childhood that, as adults, we avoid pain at any cost."
"Anger, sarcasm, and wit make a potent combination .. Anger became the fuel that propelled me through difficult situations. Anger became the passion that let me know I was alive! I didn't HAVE anger. I WAS anger. Anger was my first name. And blame was my middle name. Then I realised that it was not getting angry but remaining angry that had become a problem for me. .. If someone hurt me, I would get angry instead of feeling the pain. It was difficult to let go of my attraction to blame and anger."
"I want to wear my anger like a suit of armour to spare me from the pain. But I can't. I never had a childhood. Now I am losing my anger about never having had a childhood. What I am left with is ... sadness. And facing sadness is not easy. All of my life I would rather have been dragged across a field of boulders by wild horses than to feel the immense sadness within me. Anger was so much easier to feel."
"I am now allowing myself to feel the feelings I have never felt before. I must listen to the child within me that was ignored. And if one of the feelings that comes to the surface is blame, then I want to feel all there is to feel about blame. Then perhaps I can feel the anger behind the blame. And then the pain behind the anger. And the sadness behind the pain. And the acceptance that is rumoured to lie behind the sadness. And the hope behind the acceptance. So that someday I may have a chance at leading a contented life."
"Ultimately, we have to forgive ourselves for being ourselves. Have you ever sat in your room, staring out through the window, feeling a little down, watching people walk by? Don't they look great? They are just chugging along, dressed so well, clean and fresh looking, on their way to their meaningful jobs, leading their meaningful lives. We imagine them with no holes in their socks, no blemishes under their make-up, no ghosts in their closets, no drunks in their families. We imagine them happy that it is Monday morning again, that now that they are well-rested from their weekends at the beach with their flawless lovers then can get back to being productive in their lucrative, high-visibility careers. And what about us? If we break a shoelace, we can trace it back to being from a dysfunctional family. If we do anything less than perfectly, we are flawed human beings, the objects of self-pity and scorn. If we make a simple mistake, it is a relapse."
"In order to forgive my parents, I must have already decided they are guilty of whatever I am about to forgive them for. That means I have placed myself in the position of knowing who is guilty and who is not. Then I decide who is to be punished or forgiven. I have adorned myself with a crown of resentments. I am the standard against which all goodness is measured. I am a self-appointed judge and executioner. I have relieved God of most of his duties."
from
FORGIVING OUR PARENTS
For adult children from dysfunctional families
by Dwight Lee Wolter, 1989.
Sunday, 6 July 2008
And all because I once loved her husband.
Got you there, didn't I? Couldn't resist. There is no sordid confession forthcoming. No. There is only:
LINDA McCARTNEY'S HOME COOKING
by Linda McCartney, Rs 95 at the Kaaba Book Fair.
I was never that fond of Linda - after all, she had the man of my dreams. But with age and wisdom (mine, I mean, she already had both) this mellowed into a certain mature acceptance. Then she went and became this healthy vegetarian animal-loving activist. And then she went and died. And then the new Mrs. McCartney just made her seem even more saintly than ever.
So I was quite happy to see her face smiling at me from the cover of her famous cook book. A flip through, and the recipes seemed do-able, even for me. More than I usually pay for book fair books .. but what could I do? I who once wore a folded piece of paper with "Paul" written all over it (lovingly covered with sellotape and religiously worn as a pendant through most of my 17th year!). It seemed wrong to pass over this book, so I brought it home, and am so happy I did.
In fact, as I type, my stomach is digesting perhaps the most exquisite soup I have ever made: a sweet corn noodle soup with celery. Very sumptious, very filling, very delicious, and best of all, very easy to prepare. I used to think only dessert could taste this good.
This is the best cookery book I've ever used. (Well, I may change my mind after trying some harder recipes, but today, at this moment, this is how I feel. It could be the celery talking.)
LINDA McCARTNEY'S HOME COOKING
by Linda McCartney, Rs 95 at the Kaaba Book Fair.
I was never that fond of Linda - after all, she had the man of my dreams. But with age and wisdom (mine, I mean, she already had both) this mellowed into a certain mature acceptance. Then she went and became this healthy vegetarian animal-loving activist. And then she went and died. And then the new Mrs. McCartney just made her seem even more saintly than ever.
So I was quite happy to see her face smiling at me from the cover of her famous cook book. A flip through, and the recipes seemed do-able, even for me. More than I usually pay for book fair books .. but what could I do? I who once wore a folded piece of paper with "Paul" written all over it (lovingly covered with sellotape and religiously worn as a pendant through most of my 17th year!). It seemed wrong to pass over this book, so I brought it home, and am so happy I did.
In fact, as I type, my stomach is digesting perhaps the most exquisite soup I have ever made: a sweet corn noodle soup with celery. Very sumptious, very filling, very delicious, and best of all, very easy to prepare. I used to think only dessert could taste this good.
This is the best cookery book I've ever used. (Well, I may change my mind after trying some harder recipes, but today, at this moment, this is how I feel. It could be the celery talking.)
Thursday, 19 June 2008
THE FLUTE PLAYER, by D.M. Thomas, Rs. 10/-
This strange, earthy, somewhat unnerving book is one I picked up last week at the book fair in Koramangala where you can buy "ANY BOOK FOR Rs. 10 ONLY!". I've been there twice (so far) . Both times the guy at the counter warned me that "today is the last day for Rs. 10, after that it is sticker price". Optimistic and low on funds, I'm heading back for more tomorrow.
This book was written in the late 70s, which may be why it has a lot of sex in it, right at the beginning. Tastefully written, though. It's set nowherr a somewhere that's creepily Orwellian. Or is it? More like half-Orwellian, half-Soviet. Well, it is dedicated to four Russians, and so much of it is their story.
What I like best about this book, apart from the writing and the story, is the realisation I got, like a kick in the butt, about what a silly fool I am not to write more in this free world I live in. When there have been times and places - and no doubt still are - where to put the words from your head down onto paper could be a dangerous thing to do - a treachery, an obscenity, a crime, or simply a waste of time.
Then again, it's the struggle isn't it, that gets things growing? Even words.
P.S. I bought this book purely for its title, as I play the flute. I am halfway through, and must warn any other potential readers: there are no flutes in this book.
This book was written in the late 70s, which may be why it has a lot of sex in it, right at the beginning. Tastefully written, though. It's set nowherr a somewhere that's creepily Orwellian. Or is it? More like half-Orwellian, half-Soviet. Well, it is dedicated to four Russians, and so much of it is their story.
What I like best about this book, apart from the writing and the story, is the realisation I got, like a kick in the butt, about what a silly fool I am not to write more in this free world I live in. When there have been times and places - and no doubt still are - where to put the words from your head down onto paper could be a dangerous thing to do - a treachery, an obscenity, a crime, or simply a waste of time.
Then again, it's the struggle isn't it, that gets things growing? Even words.
P.S. I bought this book purely for its title, as I play the flute. I am halfway through, and must warn any other potential readers: there are no flutes in this book.
Monday, 9 June 2008
PATHWAYS TO HOPE AND HEALING, by Patricia & Ronald Potter-Efron
I very nearly didn't buy this book, but now am glad I did. The cover looked a bit cheesy, you see. So it's true: Never judge a book by its cover!
Here are a few excerpts, about the core of shame. I was surprised when I read this. I had never made the connection.
"the fear of abandonment lies at the core of the shame experience .. these writers trace the fear of abandonment back to earliest infancy, the time you couldn't survive on your own ..
Shame is a sure clue that someone important has seen you and disapproves..
.. two other important fears regularly associated with shame. The first is the fear of losing yourself. This represents the flip side of the abandonment issue. Sometimes it seems that you have to abandon yourself, your true or real self, in order to fit in. But then you may experience the shame of being untrue to your own nature. .. This can lead to bitter feelings of emptiness, personal despair, perhaps suicidality. .. reflects a fear that it may be impossible to retrieve your real self if you've abandoned it for too long.
The third shame-related fear is the fear of incompetence. .. we are a task and accomplishment oriented society. In an era where everybody is expected to perform and succeed, people fear that they will not be good enough to avoid the shame of comparative failure."
- from Patricia & Ronald Potter-Efron's book: Pathways to Hope And Healing - Overcoming Shame
If you'd like to read this book, contact the NGO Enfold, who are now the happy owners of the entire Askios library.
Here are a few excerpts, about the core of shame. I was surprised when I read this. I had never made the connection.
"the fear of abandonment lies at the core of the shame experience .. these writers trace the fear of abandonment back to earliest infancy, the time you couldn't survive on your own ..
Shame is a sure clue that someone important has seen you and disapproves..
.. two other important fears regularly associated with shame. The first is the fear of losing yourself. This represents the flip side of the abandonment issue. Sometimes it seems that you have to abandon yourself, your true or real self, in order to fit in. But then you may experience the shame of being untrue to your own nature. .. This can lead to bitter feelings of emptiness, personal despair, perhaps suicidality. .. reflects a fear that it may be impossible to retrieve your real self if you've abandoned it for too long.
The third shame-related fear is the fear of incompetence. .. we are a task and accomplishment oriented society. In an era where everybody is expected to perform and succeed, people fear that they will not be good enough to avoid the shame of comparative failure."
- from Patricia & Ronald Potter-Efron's book: Pathways to Hope And Healing - Overcoming Shame
If you'd like to read this book, contact the NGO Enfold, who are now the happy owners of the entire Askios library.
Sunday, 18 May 2008
Foreword thinking
It's not often I bother to read the foreword of a book. And even rarer that I spend time thinking about what I've read in a foreword. The foreword I'm talking about is by Dr. Arun Gandhi, grandson of Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi (a.k.a. Mahatma Gandhi and no relation to Sonia, Rahul & co.)
The book is Mahatma Gandhi - His Life & Ideas, by Charles F. Andrews. If you saw Attenborough's movie, that's the cute, earnest Scottish priest who hung out with Gandhiji. I'll get to the book later - it was written when Gandhiji was still alive, and looks to be an interesting read as well, but first things first: the foreword.
I read it only last night, and what I have learnt from it keeps going through my mind. I'm used to finding treasure at book fairs, and the fact that I very nearly skipped past reading it, but didn't, makes me feel as though I found treasure within treasure. Here are some excerpts that have been working on my mind.
"Whether we 'pursue' or 'possess' makes a very big difference in our outlook on life. Pursuit of truth requires us to be honest, humble, open in mind and spirit, and willing to listen and evaluate a situation impartially .. it is this form of positiveness that leads to the creation of a culture of nonviolence .. Possession of the Truth is an attitude that has its roots in arrogance and leads to a closed mind and spirit. It also leads to a rejection of all thoughts and influences that are contrary to our own. This form of outright rejection of differences evokes negative attributes in human beings like suspicion, prejudice, hate, division, and so on, leading to a culture of violence."
"It is the literal translation of the word ahimsa, according to Gandhi, that has done the greatest harm to its universal acceptance. A majority of the Hindus and all of the Jain community have translated ahimsa to mean non-violence, as in not doing any harm to anyone under any circumstances. The consequence of such absolutism is hypocrisy. The absolutists, therefore, will not commit any violence themselves but will get someone else to do it for them. This also leads others to believe that nonviolence is impractical and unattainable .. as long as there is the will to live among human beings, some violence is an inevitable part of life. This is why Gandhi said ahimsa cannot be translated to mean 'nonviolence'; it should really mean 'love'."
"Ahimsa is as much about positively doing some good as about negatively not doing any harm .. we cannot practise ahimsa effectively by ignoring the positive and focusing only on the negative .. protest against war should be accompanied by action for better understanding and relations between people in the country and outside. When we indulge only in the negative without the positive then we have disasters like the hippie movement of the sixties. Millions came out against 'the establishment' but there was not much thought given to the positive aspect of an acceptable replacement. Being against something is understandable, but the action becomes laudable if there is a clear definition of what we are for. To most people all over the world peace has come to mean the absence of war or the absence of violence. Gandhi said peace can only be achieved if we are able to eliminate all forms of exploitation."
"Physical violence is the type of violence where physical force is used -- war, murder, beating, killing, spanking, and so on -- while passive violence is the type of violence where no physical force is used -- hate, prejudice, discrimination, waste of resources, uncaring attitude, etc .. All of us practise passive violence all the time in many different ways, causing hurt or deprivation to someone somewhere. For instance, our over-consumption of natural resources in the world leads to inequitable distribution and poverty. The poor become angry at the rich and attempt to get illegally the essentials of life that they are denied legitimately. This begins the cycle of violence .. "
"Anger, it is said, generates more than 80% of the violence that we experience in our lives. Yet, as a society, we have consistently ignored this powerful emotion so that all of us have learned to abuse anger rather than use the energy positively. We either lash out verbally or physically in anger and in both cases we create a situation with a potential for violence. It is, therefore, passive violence that fuels the fire of physical violence .. if it is our intention to put out the fire of physical violence and create peace we need to cut off the supply of fuel that ignites the fire. This is why Gandhi said "we must become the change we wish to see in the world.""
I've always loved that quotation of Gandhiji's, so I'll stop at this point. Also I am five minutes late for the Harry Potter movie on Pogo TV this afternoon. I shall come back and post more on this remarkable foreword later today!
The book is Mahatma Gandhi - His Life & Ideas, by Charles F. Andrews. If you saw Attenborough's movie, that's the cute, earnest Scottish priest who hung out with Gandhiji. I'll get to the book later - it was written when Gandhiji was still alive, and looks to be an interesting read as well, but first things first: the foreword.
I read it only last night, and what I have learnt from it keeps going through my mind. I'm used to finding treasure at book fairs, and the fact that I very nearly skipped past reading it, but didn't, makes me feel as though I found treasure within treasure. Here are some excerpts that have been working on my mind.
"Whether we 'pursue' or 'possess' makes a very big difference in our outlook on life. Pursuit of truth requires us to be honest, humble, open in mind and spirit, and willing to listen and evaluate a situation impartially .. it is this form of positiveness that leads to the creation of a culture of nonviolence .. Possession of the Truth is an attitude that has its roots in arrogance and leads to a closed mind and spirit. It also leads to a rejection of all thoughts and influences that are contrary to our own. This form of outright rejection of differences evokes negative attributes in human beings like suspicion, prejudice, hate, division, and so on, leading to a culture of violence."
"It is the literal translation of the word ahimsa, according to Gandhi, that has done the greatest harm to its universal acceptance. A majority of the Hindus and all of the Jain community have translated ahimsa to mean non-violence, as in not doing any harm to anyone under any circumstances. The consequence of such absolutism is hypocrisy. The absolutists, therefore, will not commit any violence themselves but will get someone else to do it for them. This also leads others to believe that nonviolence is impractical and unattainable .. as long as there is the will to live among human beings, some violence is an inevitable part of life. This is why Gandhi said ahimsa cannot be translated to mean 'nonviolence'; it should really mean 'love'."
"Ahimsa is as much about positively doing some good as about negatively not doing any harm .. we cannot practise ahimsa effectively by ignoring the positive and focusing only on the negative .. protest against war should be accompanied by action for better understanding and relations between people in the country and outside. When we indulge only in the negative without the positive then we have disasters like the hippie movement of the sixties. Millions came out against 'the establishment' but there was not much thought given to the positive aspect of an acceptable replacement. Being against something is understandable, but the action becomes laudable if there is a clear definition of what we are for. To most people all over the world peace has come to mean the absence of war or the absence of violence. Gandhi said peace can only be achieved if we are able to eliminate all forms of exploitation."
"Physical violence is the type of violence where physical force is used -- war, murder, beating, killing, spanking, and so on -- while passive violence is the type of violence where no physical force is used -- hate, prejudice, discrimination, waste of resources, uncaring attitude, etc .. All of us practise passive violence all the time in many different ways, causing hurt or deprivation to someone somewhere. For instance, our over-consumption of natural resources in the world leads to inequitable distribution and poverty. The poor become angry at the rich and attempt to get illegally the essentials of life that they are denied legitimately. This begins the cycle of violence .. "
"Anger, it is said, generates more than 80% of the violence that we experience in our lives. Yet, as a society, we have consistently ignored this powerful emotion so that all of us have learned to abuse anger rather than use the energy positively. We either lash out verbally or physically in anger and in both cases we create a situation with a potential for violence. It is, therefore, passive violence that fuels the fire of physical violence .. if it is our intention to put out the fire of physical violence and create peace we need to cut off the supply of fuel that ignites the fire. This is why Gandhi said "we must become the change we wish to see in the world.""
I've always loved that quotation of Gandhiji's, so I'll stop at this point. Also I am five minutes late for the Harry Potter movie on Pogo TV this afternoon. I shall come back and post more on this remarkable foreword later today!
Wednesday, 2 April 2008
WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THE REST OF YOUR LIFE - by Paula Payne Hardin, Rs. 100
From time to time, in a desperate attempt to de-clutter, I give away books before I have read them. I am SO glad I didn't do that with this book. I bought it so many years ago, I can't remember which book fair it's from, Ashish's I think. It has been such a wonderful inspiring experience! (And very reassuring, as I now know that evidently I'm not the only middle-aged person who thinks the way I do).
I will be bookcrossing this book, so am jotting down some of my favourite bits here so that I can continue to enjoy them long after the book's flown from my hands.
".. if we journey along the self-absorbed road, we fail to climb out of the pits or to recover from the detours and instead sink into an escalating concern with our own life, which becomes more narrow and irrelevant. We focus on what we eat and wear, how we feel, how we pass the time and entertain ourselves, how offended we are by perceived slights from others, how much we blame others for our problems, who much we demand attention from others, how sorry we feel about our lot in life, and so on. When we choose the path of self-absorption we find out world constricting until, as one physician observed from his practice, our lives are focused on what goes into our bodies and what comes out of them."
"The task of the midlife developmental transition is to make peace with the past and prepare for the future."
"Short-term pleasures are just that - short and quick. They are easy and do not build the strength needed to handle life's stresses and challenges. Short-term pleasures can sabotage our self-worth; they do not lead to involvement in life, but in the opposite direction, toward escaping life's demands. They do not build character, but tend to dull one's vitality."
"The costs of change are high, but the costs of not changing may be higher. When change is called for and we refuse to engage in it, we sacrifice the Self, the most desirable inner core, and sentence ourselves and others to suffer needlessly."
"Have we bought the hype that we have to be slim, rich, and powerful to have a life worth living?"
"Releasing our attitudes of criticism and intolerance toward others brings a light-hearted free feeling of vitality - and is so worth the effort. When we judge others and cast them out of our hearts, we sentence ourselves to feel like the outcast."
"People who avoid choosing and float along on possibilities - trying to avoid the pain of making mistakes - are committing a big error in judgment. In their fear of the future and of the tasks of adult life they are refusing to live fully. .. It is not the future they condemn with their fears, them themselves. The only way out of the future, Hugo said, is to die."
"To age well, to live well, is to see life as an adventure, to stand against the cultural prejudice about growing old and affirm that 'being' is as valuable as 'doing'. It means to creatively accept the infirmities which come as the body wears out and maintain a spirit that grows healthier, wiser. We calmly set about to do what we can, knowing that all is essentially well, even if at the moment there might be some difficulties."
"When you do what is REALLY right for your true Self, it is REALLY right for everyone else."
"In the second half of life we need much patience with those who are younger and perhaps do not see as yet what we have learned to see. We need to respect that they have their own agendas."
"Often when we break through to new understandings, we want other family members to do the same - the truth seems so obvious now. For lasting and fruitful change to occur, however, it is important to allow the process to happen slowly."
"Essential to life from beginning to end are our connections to others. Yet what is called love can sometimes bind, distort and sabotage human promise. We may swing between possessing and being possessed. Sometimes, thinking we know best, we try to live another's life. Perhaps we let another tell us what to do too many times and then find ourselves angry and impotent because we've diminished who we are."
"In regaining our child, we do not sacrifice reason and mature judgment, but we do add spontaneity, playfulness, and wise innocence .. Charles Whitfield, a physician who has studied the inner child in adults, defined the child within as our Real Self. It is that part of us that is totally alive, vital, creative, spontaneous, and fulfilled."
" .. recognise that dying is an important event. Death sets a limit on our time in this life and urges us to do what we need to do in the time we are given. As Elisabeth Kubler-Ross observed, death is the final stage of growth in this life. She encourages us to begin to see death as a friendly but invisible companion, reminding us to LIVE our lives and not just exist."
"In prayer we usually begin with expressing our needs and desires; we pray for others, for our world. Eventually we may turn to a comtemplative, quiet, listening prayer."
"We are freer now to seek a new world, to speak out against social injustice, to stand for fairness and mercy. We have more leverage and know-how than when we were young, and less to lose than our younger contemporaries when we take unpopular positions. We can take less compromised stands than they, speaking honestly both in small ways and big. We can contribute to building a better world, giving gifts that last beyond our lifetime .. every wall that confronts us along the way has its golden door .. it always becomes visible when we are ready to see."
- Paula Payne Hardin's book: What Are You Doing with The Rest of Your Life?
I will be bookcrossing this book, so am jotting down some of my favourite bits here so that I can continue to enjoy them long after the book's flown from my hands.
".. if we journey along the self-absorbed road, we fail to climb out of the pits or to recover from the detours and instead sink into an escalating concern with our own life, which becomes more narrow and irrelevant. We focus on what we eat and wear, how we feel, how we pass the time and entertain ourselves, how offended we are by perceived slights from others, how much we blame others for our problems, who much we demand attention from others, how sorry we feel about our lot in life, and so on. When we choose the path of self-absorption we find out world constricting until, as one physician observed from his practice, our lives are focused on what goes into our bodies and what comes out of them."
"The task of the midlife developmental transition is to make peace with the past and prepare for the future."
"Short-term pleasures are just that - short and quick. They are easy and do not build the strength needed to handle life's stresses and challenges. Short-term pleasures can sabotage our self-worth; they do not lead to involvement in life, but in the opposite direction, toward escaping life's demands. They do not build character, but tend to dull one's vitality."
"The costs of change are high, but the costs of not changing may be higher. When change is called for and we refuse to engage in it, we sacrifice the Self, the most desirable inner core, and sentence ourselves and others to suffer needlessly."
"Have we bought the hype that we have to be slim, rich, and powerful to have a life worth living?"
"Releasing our attitudes of criticism and intolerance toward others brings a light-hearted free feeling of vitality - and is so worth the effort. When we judge others and cast them out of our hearts, we sentence ourselves to feel like the outcast."
"People who avoid choosing and float along on possibilities - trying to avoid the pain of making mistakes - are committing a big error in judgment. In their fear of the future and of the tasks of adult life they are refusing to live fully. .. It is not the future they condemn with their fears, them themselves. The only way out of the future, Hugo said, is to die."
"To age well, to live well, is to see life as an adventure, to stand against the cultural prejudice about growing old and affirm that 'being' is as valuable as 'doing'. It means to creatively accept the infirmities which come as the body wears out and maintain a spirit that grows healthier, wiser. We calmly set about to do what we can, knowing that all is essentially well, even if at the moment there might be some difficulties."
"When you do what is REALLY right for your true Self, it is REALLY right for everyone else."
"In the second half of life we need much patience with those who are younger and perhaps do not see as yet what we have learned to see. We need to respect that they have their own agendas."
"Often when we break through to new understandings, we want other family members to do the same - the truth seems so obvious now. For lasting and fruitful change to occur, however, it is important to allow the process to happen slowly."
"Essential to life from beginning to end are our connections to others. Yet what is called love can sometimes bind, distort and sabotage human promise. We may swing between possessing and being possessed. Sometimes, thinking we know best, we try to live another's life. Perhaps we let another tell us what to do too many times and then find ourselves angry and impotent because we've diminished who we are."
"In regaining our child, we do not sacrifice reason and mature judgment, but we do add spontaneity, playfulness, and wise innocence .. Charles Whitfield, a physician who has studied the inner child in adults, defined the child within as our Real Self. It is that part of us that is totally alive, vital, creative, spontaneous, and fulfilled."
" .. recognise that dying is an important event. Death sets a limit on our time in this life and urges us to do what we need to do in the time we are given. As Elisabeth Kubler-Ross observed, death is the final stage of growth in this life. She encourages us to begin to see death as a friendly but invisible companion, reminding us to LIVE our lives and not just exist."
"In prayer we usually begin with expressing our needs and desires; we pray for others, for our world. Eventually we may turn to a comtemplative, quiet, listening prayer."
"We are freer now to seek a new world, to speak out against social injustice, to stand for fairness and mercy. We have more leverage and know-how than when we were young, and less to lose than our younger contemporaries when we take unpopular positions. We can take less compromised stands than they, speaking honestly both in small ways and big. We can contribute to building a better world, giving gifts that last beyond our lifetime .. every wall that confronts us along the way has its golden door .. it always becomes visible when we are ready to see."
- Paula Payne Hardin's book: What Are You Doing with The Rest of Your Life?
Tuesday, 11 March 2008
THE TAO OF POOH by Benjamin Hoff, Rs. 10
Yes, that was a ten. Not a typing error. This priceless little book cost me only ten Rupees. (For my American readers, that's less than a quarter. And it came with a lovely little bookmark from Four Seasons Books in Olympia, Washington).
Going to book fairs can be humbling for writers, when we see the ultimate fate (and price!) of those words (printed and published! Recognised! Acknowledged!) of which we are so proud. But mostly, I'm just thrilled to find treasure at incredible bargains.
I absolutely love this book. So light, so deep, so true, so .. Tao. Here are some of my favourite lines from it:
*
It seems fairly obvious to some of us that a lot of scholars need to go outside and sniff around -- walk through the grass, talk to the animals. That sort of thing.
"Lots of people talk to animals," said Pooh.
"Not very many listen, though," he said.
"That's the problem," he added.
*
By the time it came to the edge of the Forest the stream had grown up, so that it was almost a river, and, being grown up, it did not run and jump and sparkle along as it used to do when it was younger, but moved more slowly. For it knew now where it was going, and it said to itself, "There is no hurry. We shall get there some day."
(A. A. Milne)
*
If you compare the City with the Forest, you may begin to wonder why it's man who goes around classifying himself as The Superior Animal.
"Superior to what?" asked Pooh.
"If people were Superior to Animals, they'd take better care of the world," said Pooh.
*
What could we call that moment before we begin to eat the honey? Some would call it anticipation, but we think it's more than that. We would call it awareness. It's when we become happy and realise it, if only for an instant.
*
From caring comes courage. We might add that from it also comes wisdom. It's rather significant, we think, that those who have no compassion have no wisdom. Knowledge, yes; cleverness, maybe; wisdom, no. A clever mind is not a heart. Knowledge doesn't really care. Wisdom does.
*
Sitting contented by Walden Pond a few years ago, a Wise Observer wrote, "The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation." The desperation may have been quiet then, we suppose. Now, it's deafening.
*
"How do you do Nothing?" asked Pooh, after he had wondered for a long time.
"Well, it's when people call out at you just as you're going off to do it, What are you going to do, Christopher Robin, and you say, Oh, nothing, and then you go and do it."
"Oh, I see," said Pooh.
"This is a nothing sort of thing that we're doing now."
"Oh, I see," said Pooh again.
"It means just going along, listening to all the things you can't hear, and not bothering."
(A. A. Milne)
*
An Empty sort of mind is valuable for finding pearls and tails and things because it can see what's in front of it. An Overstuffed mind is unable to.
Many people are afraid of Emptiness, because it reminds them of Loneliness. Everything has to be filled in, it seems -- appointment books, hillsides, vacant lots -- but when all the spaces are filled, the Loneliness really begins.
*
Why do the enlightened seem filled with light and happiness, like children? Why do they sometimes even look and talk like children? Because they are. The wise are Children Who Know. Their minds have been emptied of the countless minute somethings of small learning, and filled with the wisdom of the Great Nothing, the Way of the Universe.
*
A Brain can do all kinds of things, but the things that it can do are not the most important things.
The once chance we have to avoid certain disaster is to change our approach, and to learn to value wisdom and contentment. These are the things that are being searched for anyway, through Knowledge and Cleverness, but they do not come from Knowledge and Cleverness. They never have, and they never will.
- from Benjamin Hoff's book: The Tao of Pooh
I'm going to "release" this book a la bookcrossing, so if anybody in Bangalore wants it, let me know so I can set it free and flying into your hands.
Incidentally, A. A. Milne, creator of Winnie-the-Pooh, is one of my earliest favourite authors. His books of poetry, When We Were Very Young, and Now We Are Six, are amongst my most treasured possessions. I've actually owned Now We Are Six from the age of six - it was a gift from a special teacher, Miss Evans, and she signed it with a quotation by Robert Louis Stevenson--
"The world is so full of a number of things,
I'm sure we should all be as happy as kings."
Going to book fairs can be humbling for writers, when we see the ultimate fate (and price!) of those words (printed and published! Recognised! Acknowledged!) of which we are so proud. But mostly, I'm just thrilled to find treasure at incredible bargains.
I absolutely love this book. So light, so deep, so true, so .. Tao. Here are some of my favourite lines from it:
*
It seems fairly obvious to some of us that a lot of scholars need to go outside and sniff around -- walk through the grass, talk to the animals. That sort of thing.
"Lots of people talk to animals," said Pooh.
"Not very many listen, though," he said.
"That's the problem," he added.
*
By the time it came to the edge of the Forest the stream had grown up, so that it was almost a river, and, being grown up, it did not run and jump and sparkle along as it used to do when it was younger, but moved more slowly. For it knew now where it was going, and it said to itself, "There is no hurry. We shall get there some day."
(A. A. Milne)
*
If you compare the City with the Forest, you may begin to wonder why it's man who goes around classifying himself as The Superior Animal.
"Superior to what?" asked Pooh.
"If people were Superior to Animals, they'd take better care of the world," said Pooh.
*
What could we call that moment before we begin to eat the honey? Some would call it anticipation, but we think it's more than that. We would call it awareness. It's when we become happy and realise it, if only for an instant.
*
From caring comes courage. We might add that from it also comes wisdom. It's rather significant, we think, that those who have no compassion have no wisdom. Knowledge, yes; cleverness, maybe; wisdom, no. A clever mind is not a heart. Knowledge doesn't really care. Wisdom does.
*
Sitting contented by Walden Pond a few years ago, a Wise Observer wrote, "The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation." The desperation may have been quiet then, we suppose. Now, it's deafening.
*
"How do you do Nothing?" asked Pooh, after he had wondered for a long time.
"Well, it's when people call out at you just as you're going off to do it, What are you going to do, Christopher Robin, and you say, Oh, nothing, and then you go and do it."
"Oh, I see," said Pooh.
"This is a nothing sort of thing that we're doing now."
"Oh, I see," said Pooh again.
"It means just going along, listening to all the things you can't hear, and not bothering."
(A. A. Milne)
*
An Empty sort of mind is valuable for finding pearls and tails and things because it can see what's in front of it. An Overstuffed mind is unable to.
Many people are afraid of Emptiness, because it reminds them of Loneliness. Everything has to be filled in, it seems -- appointment books, hillsides, vacant lots -- but when all the spaces are filled, the Loneliness really begins.
*
Why do the enlightened seem filled with light and happiness, like children? Why do they sometimes even look and talk like children? Because they are. The wise are Children Who Know. Their minds have been emptied of the countless minute somethings of small learning, and filled with the wisdom of the Great Nothing, the Way of the Universe.
*
A Brain can do all kinds of things, but the things that it can do are not the most important things.
The once chance we have to avoid certain disaster is to change our approach, and to learn to value wisdom and contentment. These are the things that are being searched for anyway, through Knowledge and Cleverness, but they do not come from Knowledge and Cleverness. They never have, and they never will.
- from Benjamin Hoff's book: The Tao of Pooh
I'm going to "release" this book a la bookcrossing, so if anybody in Bangalore wants it, let me know so I can set it free and flying into your hands.
Incidentally, A. A. Milne, creator of Winnie-the-Pooh, is one of my earliest favourite authors. His books of poetry, When We Were Very Young, and Now We Are Six, are amongst my most treasured possessions. I've actually owned Now We Are Six from the age of six - it was a gift from a special teacher, Miss Evans, and she signed it with a quotation by Robert Louis Stevenson--
"The world is so full of a number of things,
I'm sure we should all be as happy as kings."
Tuesday, 12 February 2008
I, LUCIFER by Glen Duncan, Rs. 75
"Finally, the other side of the story", the cover proclaimed. How could I resist? I have shelves full of books on Jesus, Sufi saints, and Oriental philosophers. The Bad Girl in me wanted to know.
And what a read it's been. I just finished it this morning, after I got back from dropping my brother off at the airport (sniff). When I finished reading, I wanted to go back and start from page one again. That's a first for me.
So. Down to business. I, LUCIFER is a horribly irreverent and brilliantly funny story (fiction, but of course) told in the first person. I wasn't quite sure what to expect, but I found myself totally captivated. And terribly jealous of Glen Duncan for coming up with this idea.
Religious people may take offence to this book. Lucifer does and says horrible things. And he refers to Jesus Christ (who happens to be my favourite man in the whole universe) as "Jimmeny Christmas".
But the stories, the alternate perspectives, the humour, the history lessons, the Lessons. If you're worried that you'll end up converting to Satanism, I don't think that's likely. In fact, the insights into evil might just get thee to a nunnery.
My only disappointment was that it was all pretty much C of E. References to Catholicism and Judaism here and there, but no mention about the others--all we Hindus, Muslims, and the rest of us--we don't come into the story at all. I feel left out. But I guess if you're going to write a book on such a controversial theme, it's better to play safe and stay west of fatwas and tridents.
Final thoughts: It's a book that leaves you thinking. If you think thinking is dangerous, then this book isn't for you. If not, then it's on my bookshelf and up for grabs.
And what a read it's been. I just finished it this morning, after I got back from dropping my brother off at the airport (sniff). When I finished reading, I wanted to go back and start from page one again. That's a first for me.
So. Down to business. I, LUCIFER is a horribly irreverent and brilliantly funny story (fiction, but of course) told in the first person. I wasn't quite sure what to expect, but I found myself totally captivated. And terribly jealous of Glen Duncan for coming up with this idea.
Religious people may take offence to this book. Lucifer does and says horrible things. And he refers to Jesus Christ (who happens to be my favourite man in the whole universe) as "Jimmeny Christmas".
But the stories, the alternate perspectives, the humour, the history lessons, the Lessons. If you're worried that you'll end up converting to Satanism, I don't think that's likely. In fact, the insights into evil might just get thee to a nunnery.
My only disappointment was that it was all pretty much C of E. References to Catholicism and Judaism here and there, but no mention about the others--all we Hindus, Muslims, and the rest of us--we don't come into the story at all. I feel left out. But I guess if you're going to write a book on such a controversial theme, it's better to play safe and stay west of fatwas and tridents.
Final thoughts: It's a book that leaves you thinking. If you think thinking is dangerous, then this book isn't for you. If not, then it's on my bookshelf and up for grabs.
Book Fair Junkie
2007's New Year's resolution was to read 50 books. I don't think I made it. This year my resolution was not to buy any books until my birthday in August. I'm pretty sure I didn't make that one, either. Not pretty sure, to be honest. Just plain Sure. I was at a book fair (Kaaba's, from Madras) on January 3rd. And the newest book fair in town, Mayank's from Bombay, I've been to twice already, and will probably wander across there again this week.
In keeping with my 'this year is for me' theme, I've been looking more at fiction, instead of the reference books on child abuse and mental health that I normally stock up on for Askios. It's been ages since I've read fiction on a regular basis--don't we all do that? Remember how many novels we read as teenagers? And then we get all grown-up (or think we are) and can't allow ourselves such an indulgence. At the most, we read self-help books, or the latest Booker-winner, or something off the New York Times Top Ten Bestsellers' list. Mostly we're reading marketing strategies and contracts and presentations and emails and fine print.
And blogs, which, being on our computers, somehow feel more businesslike and less sinful than a book on the bedside table.
So this seemed a good medium to encourage your return to paperback (or hard-bound, as the case may be). And for me, a nicely organised way to take a trip down memory lane from time to time, to revisit the books I've found and read.
Second-hand books are what I recommend. Unless J.K. Rowling surprises us with a Harry Potter sequel (or prequel). But she said she won't, so we mustn't hold our breaths, and second-hand books it is.
I'm never sure why people like buying brand new books. Used books have more energy, more personality, more history. There are names scrawled on the inside cover, or birthday messages from aunts or godmothers. There are pressed maple leaves in books from Canada. There are bookmarks from quaint little American bookstores. In self-help books, there are sometimes notes from the therapist's clinic, advising the previous owner of his or her next appointment date. And the really old books smell DIVINE. New books are a little too sanitised for me.
Plus there's no adventure in buying a new book. The book stores will have it. If they don't have it, they'll get it for you. But a book fair ("SURPLUS USA/CANADA BOOKS!! UPTO 85% OFF!!") promises uncertainty and a fair amount of grime. It's only fitting that one comes away from a treasure hunt with grey, dusty fingers. And one steps into the fair, with its disrespectful piles of books plonked onto old tables, overflowing cartons underneath, KNOWING that somewhere in this mess is A Book (or several) That Should Have Your Name On It.
Add to that the mirage of economics and saving trees, and you have a winner. I, for one, am totally hooked on what, for me, is a relatively harmless addiction. (To better understand this relativity, refer to posts labelled 'Dear Me').
Meanwhile, if you're ever in a book fair, and see a bald woman having a surreptitious snort of some tattered yellowed pages, that would be me. Fellow addicts, come and say hullo.
In keeping with my 'this year is for me' theme, I've been looking more at fiction, instead of the reference books on child abuse and mental health that I normally stock up on for Askios. It's been ages since I've read fiction on a regular basis--don't we all do that? Remember how many novels we read as teenagers? And then we get all grown-up (or think we are) and can't allow ourselves such an indulgence. At the most, we read self-help books, or the latest Booker-winner, or something off the New York Times Top Ten Bestsellers' list. Mostly we're reading marketing strategies and contracts and presentations and emails and fine print.
And blogs, which, being on our computers, somehow feel more businesslike and less sinful than a book on the bedside table.
So this seemed a good medium to encourage your return to paperback (or hard-bound, as the case may be). And for me, a nicely organised way to take a trip down memory lane from time to time, to revisit the books I've found and read.
Second-hand books are what I recommend. Unless J.K. Rowling surprises us with a Harry Potter sequel (or prequel). But she said she won't, so we mustn't hold our breaths, and second-hand books it is.
I'm never sure why people like buying brand new books. Used books have more energy, more personality, more history. There are names scrawled on the inside cover, or birthday messages from aunts or godmothers. There are pressed maple leaves in books from Canada. There are bookmarks from quaint little American bookstores. In self-help books, there are sometimes notes from the therapist's clinic, advising the previous owner of his or her next appointment date. And the really old books smell DIVINE. New books are a little too sanitised for me.
Plus there's no adventure in buying a new book. The book stores will have it. If they don't have it, they'll get it for you. But a book fair ("SURPLUS USA/CANADA BOOKS!! UPTO 85% OFF!!") promises uncertainty and a fair amount of grime. It's only fitting that one comes away from a treasure hunt with grey, dusty fingers. And one steps into the fair, with its disrespectful piles of books plonked onto old tables, overflowing cartons underneath, KNOWING that somewhere in this mess is A Book (or several) That Should Have Your Name On It.
Add to that the mirage of economics and saving trees, and you have a winner. I, for one, am totally hooked on what, for me, is a relatively harmless addiction. (To better understand this relativity, refer to posts labelled 'Dear Me').
Meanwhile, if you're ever in a book fair, and see a bald woman having a surreptitious snort of some tattered yellowed pages, that would be me. Fellow addicts, come and say hullo.
Wednesday, 22 November 2006
THE BLOOM OF CANDLES by Laurie Lee, Rs. 30
Such a jolly sweet little name. But his poetry is so morbid. At the book fair, I found a book of his poetry, published in 1947. The book is a slim - practically anorexic - volume, bound in yellow, and titled "The Bloom of Candles".
"Tonight the wind gnaws
with teeth of glass,
the jackdaw shivers
in caged branches of iron,"
(what does that mean?)
"the stars have talons."
The stars have talons. And he is talking about Christmas Eve. He paints this depressing harsh landscape -
"the ground bitter with stones"
and then he ends with
"a new star opens
like a silver trumpet over the dead.
Tonight in a nest of ruins
the blessed babe is laid."
I kind of get where he's going: the ghastly ugly world, and the baby who's born to redeem it. It's a poem about hope, painted with despair. I don't know whether to hate it or love it.
When I first posted this on Rumi's Bird, the infamous commenter Vichoobhai sent me an excerpt about Laurie Lee:
That is the way he describes nature, always tinged with terror and gore, larks screaming, clouds fuming and sky tearing apart.
I googled Lee and found him described as a gentle, humourous, soft-spoken man and I can't help wondering what unspoken horrors he translated into words on nature.
I want to sing like the birds, not worrying about who hears or what they think - Jalaluddin Rumi
"Tonight the wind gnaws
with teeth of glass,
the jackdaw shivers
in caged branches of iron,"
(what does that mean?)
"the stars have talons."
The stars have talons. And he is talking about Christmas Eve. He paints this depressing harsh landscape -
"the ground bitter with stones"
and then he ends with
"a new star opens
like a silver trumpet over the dead.
Tonight in a nest of ruins
the blessed babe is laid."
I kind of get where he's going: the ghastly ugly world, and the baby who's born to redeem it. It's a poem about hope, painted with despair. I don't know whether to hate it or love it.
When I first posted this on Rumi's Bird, the infamous commenter Vichoobhai sent me an excerpt about Laurie Lee:
That is the way he describes nature, always tinged with terror and gore, larks screaming, clouds fuming and sky tearing apart.
I googled Lee and found him described as a gentle, humourous, soft-spoken man and I can't help wondering what unspoken horrors he translated into words on nature.
I want to sing like the birds, not worrying about who hears or what they think - Jalaluddin Rumi
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