I very nearly didn't buy this book, but now am glad I did. The cover looked a bit cheesy, you see. So it's true: Never judge a book by its cover!
Here are a few excerpts, about the core of shame. I was surprised when I read this. I had never made the connection.
"the fear of abandonment lies at the core of the shame experience .. these writers trace the fear of abandonment back to earliest infancy, the time you couldn't survive on your own ..
Shame is a sure clue that someone important has seen you and disapproves..
.. two other important fears regularly associated with shame. The first is the fear of losing yourself. This represents the flip side of the abandonment issue. Sometimes it seems that you have to abandon yourself, your true or real self, in order to fit in. But then you may experience the shame of being untrue to your own nature. .. This can lead to bitter feelings of emptiness, personal despair, perhaps suicidality. .. reflects a fear that it may be impossible to retrieve your real self if you've abandoned it for too long.
The third shame-related fear is the fear of incompetence. .. we are a task and accomplishment oriented society. In an era where everybody is expected to perform and succeed, people fear that they will not be good enough to avoid the shame of comparative failure."
- from Patricia & Ronald Potter-Efron's book: Pathways to Hope And Healing - Overcoming Shame
If you'd like to read this book, contact the NGO Enfold, who are now the happy owners of the entire Askios library.